


a business proposal

by sabredyke



Category: Good Omens - Neil Gaiman & Terry Pratchett
Genre: Co-workers, Crushes, F/F, Gen, Headcanon, Humor, Missing Scene, minor character centric
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-10
Updated: 2020-10-10
Packaged: 2021-03-08 03:26:54
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 559
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26908855
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sabredyke/pseuds/sabredyke
Summary: How exactly did Crowley convince Ashtoreth (aka Ishtar aka Astarte aka a million other names and the former unofficial queen of the idolatry department) to work as a nanny?
Relationships: Nanny Ashtoreth/War
Comments: 2
Kudos: 3





	a business proposal

"Ashtoreth! Can we talk?"

The ruby eyed demon looked up from endless paperwork and beamed at her coworker. "Crowley? Sure, it's not like I've got anything better to do. Where the hell have you been, I haven't seen you in, what? 700 years?"

He made one of his funny, not-quite-word-noises in response and continued, "What would you say if I told you I could get you back on the surface?" He took on the demeanor of dishonest salesman as easily as always.

"I'd say you better find me a warzone." Ash punctuated her response with a raised eyebrow. 

"Still chasing after her?"

"Oh, you know I've got it _bad_ Crowley."

He barked a short laugh, "Well, perhaps my offer can help with that. How would you feel about childcare?'

Ashtoreth furrowed her brow and drummed her fingers on her desk. "I like kids well enough, but what big plan of yours involves childcare?"

"No plan, just a precaution." 

"Details."

"There's a hellish infant that I think could use a nursemaid, introduce demonic influence early."

"And how is this supposed to help me with War?"

The corner of his mouth twitched up, and Ash couldn't help mirroring the familiar old nervous tick as Crowley answered. "This child might have... influence, when he gets older. Might make a potential future wingman."

By the time Ashtoreth had rested her chin on her fist, the underlying meaning had clicked. There weren't many beings out there any horseperson would listen to, especially ones that would ever have an infancy.

"Oh," she said as she moved to check her calendar. "Is it time for that already?" 

"Not sure I'm allowed to say. Then again, I don't think I'm supposed to be asking for your insistence but," Crowley lifted his palms and looked at her expectantly.

"Of course!" She gave a wide grin and combed her fingers through the hair that came down between her horns. "It's a once in existence opportunity. Just one question."

"Hm?"

"Why exactly do you need me?" 

"This kid is going to be worshipped, right? And he has to be able to handle that, so who better to learn from then the best? You know no one can start a cult like you. I can't believe they've got you doing filing."

"Aw, thanks, I know right? But what's the real reason? C'mon, if it was that simple, we wouldn't be chatting. You're scheming. Why?"

The other demon immediately tensed up and leaned in, lowering his voice despite the lack and apathy of hellish office workers. "Word got out somehow. Our friends upstairs are sending an agent of their own."

"Oh. That does pose a problem, huh? How'd you get a heads up?"

"I..," he cut himself off with a grimace. "It doesn't matter."

That took Ash aback. They'd known each other since Crete, had collaborated there for centuries. They'd been together when they first saw War -- she'd fallen in love while he puked -- and had gotten drinks afterwards. Sure, it was business and he was annoying at times, but still. "Alright then. I guess it doesn't matter."

Crowley gave a brief nod. "Thanks for this. Do you want me to stay while you finish up or-"

In one smooth movement, she pushed all the papers off her desk and into the trash bin beside it. "No, let's get out of here."

**Author's Note:**

> [slapping hands on table] ASH! TOR! ETH! ASH! TOR! ETH! I love her and think she deserves to be her own character. See here: https://dunmeshi.tumblr.com/post/189203698603/ive-made-a-character-of-ashtoreth-and-i-love-her  
> so um. I actually have whole other fic concept for Ash in the roughest of drafts. That might be written, especially if people seem interested, quick summary is "work acquaintances to friends fake dating while trying to help each other with their crushes*."  
> ppl who have followed me on tumblr know tho that i take literally forever and have 99% of the first chapter of a michael centric fic written and just refuse to finish it, so no promises but who knows?


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